Asking Eric: Parents refuse to return from vacation for hospitalized son

Dear Eric My wife s brother and his wife in recent times left on a six-week overseas trip leaving their -year-old son at home with his grandfather who speaks very little English They didn t leave any instructions with anyone in circumstance of an urgency My wife and I are close to their son Bobby Last week Bobby had a mental breakdown He called us and we took him to see his practitioner who after asking a number of questions promptly instructed us to take him to the psych ward at the adjacent hospital He was subsequently moved to a behavioral soundness clinic where he is at this moment a person Both my wife and I pleaded with her brother Sid to come home that their son needed them The social workers Bobby s expert and his counselors have tried to persuade Sid and his wife to come home to no avail He s ignored my messages and has talked to his sister twice to check in To see Bobby like this is killing us and I can hardly control my anger at Sid and his wife What if anything should I say when they return from their trip Furious Uncle Dear Uncle I should think the social workers and doctors will have a lot to say to Sid and his wife perhaps before you have a chance to speak with them Bobby is clearly in problem and their disregard not only comes across as callous but strongly suggests a troubling home life Because you re close with Bobby and you stepped up when the parents didn t I think you should say whatever s on your mind that you re angry that you re concerned that you don t understand their actions What feels more pivotal than venting however is making sure they know and Bobby knows that he has an advocate Please keep in contact with the social workers as well If Bobby is being neglected at home he s going to continue to need someone like you to stand up for him Dear Eric I have a LOT of food allergies and sensitivities that include items that do not have to be claimed as allergens per the CDC FDA on ingredients lists One of the most of frustrating things about this is trying to explain my very boring plate of plain lettuce sans dressing that is quite often the only reliable item on a menu that I can order when eating out with friends acquaintances The worst symptom that happens if I eat the wrong food is anaphylaxis the majority common and severe symptom is frequent severe migraines that I largely control through a very limited diet The migraines are invariably preceded by essentially losing my vision for an hour during the aura phase and when left untreated can get pretty bad Additionally I m on meds for depression so those don t invariably mix well with other meds like rescue migraine meds So avoidance of triggers is my best option I typically avoid social gatherings to avoid people arching their brow and asking if the usually wilted lettuce is all I am eating I love a good rare steak and jacket potatoes spread as much as the next person I just can t trust that how the cook prepares it won t trigger a migraine In fact when I eat lunch with coworkers I inevitably refuse to order out unless I know the place has reliably safe food that won t trigger issues I frequently feel or am made to feel like I am making a big deal of the dietary issues which is why I avoid food gatherings as much as achievable If I enjoy myself and ignore my dietary requirements I get horrifically sick If I eat what is safe there are invariably a lot of awkward questions about why I m not eating and I have to defend my general eating choices with the response of Weird allergies and I don t feel like needing rescue meds in the present day I m not sure what the better approach is here Confused Migraineur Dear Migraineur Depriving yourself of food you want and company seems like the worse option to me So let s look at solutions that keep you feeling well while also keeping the social weirdness at bay People do tend to have a lot of opinions about what others are eating unfortunately But it will be helpful for you to reframe the way you think about these interactions Your allergies may be weird to others or even to you but you don t have to operate within their narrative about you In response to the invasive questions try these scripts Short and sweet Healthcare provider s orders Related Articles Asking Eric Ex-husband turned children against ex-wife Asking Eric Retired friends disappear from life Asking Eric Parents ashamed of children who won t adult Asking Eric Daughter s volatile responses make relationship complex Asking Eric Mother struggles to accommodate daughter s veganism Spicy and saucy Surely there are more gripping things for us to talk about than what s on my plate Plain and healthy I m happy with this don t worry about it I know it s annoying to get these questions but try to work on thinking of your responses less as a defense and more as a personal choice You may be powerless against the allergies but you do have agency over what you choose to share You re not making a big deal here it sounds like you ve been clear and even overly accommodating when navigating inhabitants eating events Sometimes with plates and with conversations less is more Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com